Warning: Non-factual jokes in  and in Blue
There are many fast food chains, but in my heart, one reigns supreme. That frosty matriarch of dairy, the Countess of Cool Confections, the Dairy Queen. She gave me my first real job, and I’ll always remember it fondly. The Blizzards flowed like wine, and the burgers were always heated to perfection and topped with the meltiest cheese you could hope for. As a former employee, I’m here to divulge a few secrets on why you should visit DQ today, July 27th, rather than abscond to one of those lesser chains (I’m looking at you, King Colonel Ronald Sonic Horton).
I can’t be the only one that experiences this: You grab a burger from a fast food chain, and you’re dismayed to find that it’s either cold, lacking in the extra pickles you specifically requested twice (!), or it’s mashed up soybeans masquerading as a patty. Granted, I worked there in high school, but in my day [glances wistfully at AARP card] the burgers were made from beef, and to order. There wasn’t a huge pile of pre-cooked patties that were then just haphazardly thrown into a microwave—they were cooked when the order came up on the screen, and then put into the microwave. Gotta get that cheese nice and melty somehow!
I learned while working at DQ that they’re the reason we have this national treasure known as soft serve. Three gentlemen opened the first Dairy Queen in Joliet, Illinois, back in 1938 and started serving up the soft. Turn it upside down—it’s still going to be thick and delicious. And their recipe remains a closely guarded secret, similar to the Coca-Cola formula.
It’s 2017. If you’ve been alive more than a year, you’ve experienced that iconic McDonald’s catchphrase at least twice in your life. “I’m sorry, our ice cream machine is broken.” Well, in both my time working for DQ and all the visits that followed, I’ve not once been told that I couldn’t savor a dipped cone or a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard because the machine was down. I’m convinced aliens are already among us and their technology has been appropriated to ensure Dairy Queen keeps the ice cream flowing. If you want a treat that’s frosty and sweet, then DQ can’t be beat.
Dairy Queen has teamed up with Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals today for Miracle Treat Day. They’ll donate $1 of every Blizzard sold to CMN. For context, the CMN is comprised of 170 member hospitals that provide 32 million treatments to children across the US and Canada each year. DQ has been doing this for over 10 years, helping new children each year to receive the treatment they so desperately need. You can learn more about this amazing event here, but if ever there were a more noble cause to dine out, I don’t know about it.
Although there are numerous reasons to visit Dairy Queen, that last one should be the takeaway. The Blizzard you buy today just may save a life. So drop what you’re doing and head to DQ. Their ice cream machine will be working.